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This is the 1st entry in our new review section, entitled: “The F*@k Is This Sh#t?”  Be on the lookout for more reviews of music, movies, and games in the coming future.

As my esteemed colleague Mr. Freepretzels has told us before, your friends here at Black Like You did not put much stock into the alleged end of days scenario predicted by the Mayans. However, after hearing Trinidad James’ “All Gold Everything”, it’s hard to believe the end time isn’t coming, and that this is not the first sign of the apocalypse.

I don’t know much about Trinidad James personally, so I cannot tell you whether or not he’s a master comedian. What I can tell you is that he’s managed to make a joke out of hip-hop.

“All Gold Everything” encompasses everything currently wrong with rap music: horrible lyrics, deplorable messaging, and zero effort. Half the time the lyrics don’t even rhyme. Cliched lines of misogyny, violence, drug use and ignorance are abundant, and they aren’t presented with any creativity whatsoever. There’s no way Mr. James took more than ten seconds to come up with this dreck; I know 13 year olds who put more work into their craft.

When a song’s hook contains no less than 3 uses of the word “nigga” back to back, you slid down a razor blade into an alcohol river.

Worse yet is the video, which looks like a mash-up of “Snow on tha Bluff” and “Amos N Andy”. Mr. James’s appearance is so stupid in this video, I half expected him to scream out “Dy-no-mite!” at any moment.

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Someone call Jerome; I think we found his kid.

The abundance of guns, drugs and implied drug dealing are not the worst part: The worst is when you see young kids in the video emulating this behavior. It’s a reminder that the kids are listening to this crap, and being influenced by it.

Rating: Zero Stars (and 5 Al Jolsons)

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It’s hard to believe that this song could be parodied, but New Girl’s Lamorne Morris (a.k.a. Belezian James) has managed to do so just that. It’s the only thing I have to thank Trinidad James for: without him, this amazing parody would not exist.

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