The State Swap Game


Once we passed the latest Presidential election, there was a segment of people that still couldn’t get over the results. Surely they were the effect of voter fraud, or people voted because they were on the government teat, or blargle. Blargle!

There was only one way to continue the tantrum. They would secede from the US! They would save the country by leaving it! Secessionists are almost uniformly conservative, which makes their position almost inscrutable. Conservatives want a strong military, but seceding would mean that the military wouldn’t be protecting them anymore. Conservatives say they love Abraham Lincoln, who fought harder for a centralized government than pretty much anyone. Conservatives love states rights, but don’t like the onerous property and income taxes that are associated with states balancing their own budgets.

Well, I’m sick of the whining.


Governments are generally structured in a way that means nobody actually gets what they want. In fact, historically, if you have reasonable order, clean water, manageable roads and reliable currency you have pretty much all you can ask from a government. Japanese citizens were rounded up in internment camps during World War Two. They didn’t try to secede. Blacks were harrassed, lynched and beaten routinely. They didn’t try to secede. Slavs, Jews and Italians among others were crowded into ghettos, they sucked it up, and worked their way to the top. Now we’ve got people to want to reignite the issues the Civil War already settled, because the President doesn’t look like them anymore.

And it got me thinking… there are certain states that I can’t see the benefit of having anyway. And there are countries that I’ve been to that are really cool. Why can’t we swap out a state that doesn’t want to be around anymore with a country of equal area?

So for a few columns, we’re playing the utterly subjective, mean-spirited State Swap Game where I will nominate a state and several more desirable options.


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