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The Eagles

The Eagles are ALARMING. They cut Desean Jackson supposedly because he was expensive which is what you deal with when players are…you know…good. Bad players are REALLY cheap. They got no value for him because they ran his reputation down (or didn’t defend it) and he went directly to a divisional rival which is literally the worst scenario I could lay out. Personally, I think Chip Kelly’s Achilles heel is that he thinks talent is as easy to acquire as it was in college, that you can get swap players out and it doesn’t matter, but this year when Desean is catching passes from a healthy RGIII, he might start figuring it out.

Good draft though. The Philly fans were near suicide when Chip and Howie picked Marcus Smith, but the Eagles had no pass rush. He picked up a couple of receivers and then drafted for defense. For a team that could have beat the Saints if they could have stopped three straight runs, I can’t get mad at him for drafting mostly defense.

Washington-Redskins

The Redskins

The Redskins didn’t have a first rounder, but they actually didn’t do anything stupid, and they had a good offseason. The Skins have been held back the last couple years by a washed up and maniacal Mike Shanahan and just having Mike Zimmer there should help. They got a good linebacker in Trent Murphy and offensive line depth, but what killed them is that they had a team with a stiff defense and potential at the skill position, but offensive line woes. They hired an offensive line guru (or was that Alex Gibbs?) in Mike Shanahan. And he decided to fix the defense and switch it to a 3-4 even though he didn’t have the personnel for it. Then he got in pointless fights with defensive linemen, ran his quarterback into the ground even though he drafted a backup just for this reason, and refused to turn over his authority to anyone until they canned and pried his cold dead hands from the clipboard.

Also, DC is one of those weird markets where Robert Griffin III is horribly criticized although there is no substance to it. None. RGIII is a really hard-working guy that didn’t throw his crappy coach under the bus, whips himself into fantastic shape, stays out of trouble, got married instead of being caught at the strip club, doesn’t flunk drug tests, and plays hurt, and you would think he’s Jeff George.

Last year, his QB rating was 82.2, which everyone cried about.  It only puts him ahead of Hall of Famers Johnny Unitas, John Elway, Dan Fouts, Fran Tarkenton, Bart Starr, Warren Moon and Troy Aikman. Other quarterbacks whose career passing rating didn’t match up? Ron Jaworski, Ken Stabler, Doug Flutie, Joe Theismann, Phil Simms and Boomer Esiason. Griffin was playing on one leg, his plant leg was injured which directly affected throwing the ball.

Maybe people should just shut up about RGIII.

Dallas-Cowboys

The Cowboys

The Cowboys have reached the point of incompetence where we applaud them for not doing something awful. They drafted an offensive lineman, and they have the potential for a very young, very talented group up front. Dallas finally figured out that they shouldn’t run a 3-4, as they didn’t have a true nose tackle, and only one linebacker that could rush and cover, so there’s nowhere to go but up. Right? Right?

I’m torn on the Cowboys. It’s obvious that Jerry Jones is smothering his employees, but if you listen to the man talk he’s not stupid, and he knows business. He’s one of the few owners to actually have played football which I respect, and he’s not cheap. But he drove Jimmy Johnson out of town, and he’s got his son working for him. Ye Gods. What am I saying? I can’t defend Jerry Jones! I need a shower.

New_York_Giants

The Giants

The Giants are one of those teams I’ve learned that I can’t predict. I don’t understand them. When I think they suck, their defensive line becomes unstoppable and everyone decides they like Tom Coughlin and want to play for him. When I think they’ve got a change, all eleven men clutch their hamstrings simultaneously on the same play, and Tom Coughlin does that thing where he turns so red you start looking around for the Giants training staff.

They drafted for offense mostly, because Eli Manning looked horror-awful last year and no one knew quite why. This is a winnable division so this could work. Who knows? It’s the Giants.

Even I don't know!

Even I don’t know!

Fun fact: the Giants play in New Jersey (like the Jets) but refuse to be a New Jersey team. That’s because New Jersey is a hellhole. There’s the bits where the Mafia live and everyone pretends they don’t, there’s the shore, where grey, filthy water is urinated in by a generation of young people proud of their uselessness, there’s the bits where you get shot, and there’s the weird Deep South farmland vibe towards the bottom, with a bunch of xenophobic people that produce cranberries, the only fruit God made that can’t be directly eaten, and then there combinations thereof.

Bask in this. Bask.

Bask in this. Bask.

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