The Red Skull – Hitler’s personally trained soldier, Johann Schmidt is a destructive force in the Marvel Universe, with tremendous resources at his disposal, plans that usually work pretty well, and nearly the same physical abilities as Captain America himself. Hugo Weaving’s reveal as the comic book villain was epic in Captain America the First Avenger; it was everything we could have hoped for.

(I’m old enough to remember the 1990 movie and poor Scott Paulin doing the best he could as the Red Skull. I appreciate the MCU.)

Then he didn’t do much in the movie, and has disappeared for seven years. From a studio that made Batroc the Leaper cool, this is the best you could come up with? Red Skull should have been behind the scenes doing something.


Galactus – A giant with a bizarre armor and godlike power that feeds on planetary energy, Galactus has been involved in some of Marvel’s best cosmic plots and can be used in a variety of ways. And honestly, some of the most impressive visuals I’ve ever seen in  comics relate to how Galactus is rendered. Instead of building to this massive threat, Galactus appeared as a cloud in the Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer and was never seen again. In his defense, director Tim Story was instructed to hold off the reveal of the villain until the Silver Surfer spin-off happened. But… never did.

A cloud. Someone honestly thought that a massive cloud was the best way to resolve a blockbuster summer movie. What movie has ever ended with a climatic cloud instead of slowly building to the villain instead?


Ooh yeah.

You guys never learn.



Typhoid Mary – While I was researching this article, I had Typhoid Mary in the unused category only to find out to my horror that she had been used in Elektra. I didn’t even remember. That should never happen.

Mary is a figure with dissociative disorder, ‘Mary Walker’ is shy and non-confrontational, ‘Thyphoid Mary’ is an aggressive, trained martial artist with a degree of telekinesis and pyrokinesis and ‘Bloody Mary’ has the strongest form of those powers and can also implant simple suggestions into people’s minds. Typhoid Mary represents the ultimate form of the craziest girlfriend you’ve ever had. The character in Elektra doesn’t even resemble the woman that tormented Daredevil.

Elektra producer Gary Foster described her thusly, “Typhoid Mary is a psychotic. By day she’s this normal woman, and at night she loses her mind and drives you into this disease, where you literally get typhoid.”

I think that’s where this went off the rails.


Juggernaut – the ultimate comic book bruiser, the Juggernaut is usually depicted at being a touch under 10 feet tall, and weighing roughly a ton. So in X-Men the Last Stand, they cast a 200lb former soccer player and made him a low-level henchman quickly defeated by Shadowcat.

“Nothing can stop the Juggernaut,” usually means pain is coming, but the tremendous threat of Cain Marko never materializes, and he was never used again. I shudder to think of the action scenes you could construct with the Juggernaut and the technology we have in comic films right now

Stay tuned for more mockery as soon as I get done sobbing.


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