Tom Moore III: Let’s start with something easy. Deadpool.
Out of all the properties Fox has screwed up, THIS is the thing they seem to get right. A couple of the trailers have hinted at a little bit of heart too, which keeps Deadpool from being tedious.
R-Son: It’s not easy to screw up. Deadpool makes bad jokes and shoots/stabs stuff. The end
Tom Moore III: They screwed up the Punisher though. Its Fox.
Jd Korejko: They screwed up the Punisher SEVERAL times.
I think Deadpool looks pretty fun, and I’m not even a Deadpool guy. I usually find his character to be annoying
R-Son: Punisher wasn’t bad. The Thomas Jane one was close enough to Welcome Back, Frank to be good.
The rest, eh.
Tom Moore III (at Jd): Same here. And they’re redeeming Ryan Reynolds. Extra points for the Green Lantern joke.
(at Randy) I have a soft spot for War Zone, it’s the only one that delivered on the action and the character.
Jd Korejko: There was solid stuff in the last two Punisher movies…if you took them both and smoothed them together, you’d have one good one.
Tom Moore III: I can see that. Ray Stevenson was perfect.
Jd Korejko: Aw see, I think the Green Lantern joke fell flat, but I do like that he’s making jokes that break the fourth wall!
Yeah, Ray Stevenson was in his own movie, that sadly, none of the other actors showed up for.
R-Son: I still say GL wasn’t as bad as everyone else thought.
Jd Korejko: GL had its moments. But again, not enough of them.
Tom Moore III: I can think of a better way to spend 300 million.
Jd Korejko: lol, RIGHT?
R-Son: They just went too far too fast.
Tom Moore III: Good point. Had they built to the wars, and then maybe Black Lanterns-
Jd Korejko: And a giant yellow fart cloud as the enemy didn’t really work as well as they hoped.
But Ryan Reynolds I thought made a perfect Hal Jordan, just as he’s a perfect Wade Wilson.
R-Son: Make it a Hector Hammond/fall of Sinestro movie and it works.
Tom Moore III: Ryan Reynolds keeps getting wasted.
Jd Korejko: I don’t think Reynolds is ever the problem, in any of the bad films he’s been in.
EXACTLY
R-Son: That’s for sure
Tom Moore III: Randy is right too. And I agree, I think they use Ryan to bail out a sinking movie and not vice versa.
Because there hasn’t been enough written coverage of Bruce Jenner’s transformation from male to female. Or enough opinions spewed forth all over social media. I’ll preface this rant with, yes, I know I am probably not saying anything that hasn’t been said.
That said, ohmygod, WHO CARES???? Not who cares about the great strides that were made for the transgender community or who cares because, Kardashians.
I mean who cares to all the people who don’t agree with it. For serious, it definitely doesn’t affect your life. It doesn’t make you any less straight or male or female or Christian. Caitlyn Jenner won’t impede upon your ability to get to work every day, she won’t affect your living situation, she’s not going to be the reason you go to hell. Caitlyn Jenner is a chick (regardless of your refusal to acknowledge her as such) who is finally living the life she wants to be living.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that prior to this transformation, Bruce Jenner put a teeny tiny bit of thought into it, maybe visited a therapist once or twice, and may have been fairly sure that he wanted to head down this path and probably all your “devils advocacy” isn’t new stuff. But if he didn’t go to therapy or put years of thought into it, that’s ok too, you know why? It was his life. Just his. The only one he gets to live. Same as yours is the only one you get to live. If you have to check with strangers before making all your decisions you’re either living your life the wrong way or you’re in prison……which kinda indicates that you were at one time, living your life the wrong way.
Don’t get me wrong, Caitlyn made a choice to make this a very public event and one of the downsides of being in the public eye is opening oneself up to the speculation and opinions of the general public.So go nuts, freedom of speech and all, I hope she has thick skin and was prepared for the backlash.
If years of Kardashian BS didn’t prepare her for public ridicule then shame on her. She really can’t get mad at the small minded, ignorant bullshit expressed by every jabroni with an internet connection. But I can and I kinda am. Or was. I gotta share a planet with these idiots, afterall.
I do try really hard to be unmoved by the moronic consensus spewed forth by a hate-filled society but sometimes it’s SO HARD. Please don’t mistake this as not having respect for opinions different than mine. I definitely do. So many people don’t agree with me, I’m probably close to as liberal as they come and I have no way of knowing if I’m definitely right about a lot of stuff even if I passionately believe that I am. I’m not talking about people who don’t understand transgender or even people who don’t say much but just plain don’t agree with it. It’s cool, I’ll let you feel your feelings. I’m talking about the angry, hate-filled internet mob. I say internet because I’ve heard very little in person and certainly people get braver behind a computer screen and really unleash, hence that’s where I’ve observed the majority of the hate.
I’ve read so much offensive stuff over the past few weeks that my brain has basically lost the ability to process anything else on the subject so it has become necessary to purge this in blog form in order to free up some space for a new crusade. I’ve read things as benign as some run of the mill offensive jokes all the way to people praying for her to die and burn in hell. Ironically, or not so much, the latter was said by a self proclaimed “devout follower of the Lord”. Dude, what? You’re praying for someone you’ve never met to burn in hell? Like, you discussed this with your bible study or your pastor and this was the logical response to what you consider sin? Caitlyn Jenner is transgender but I happen to know you’ve got a thing for porn soooooo…..does that mean you’re going to hell together?? Or your extramarital affair wasn’t as bad as all that. Yes please rant angrily, justifying every way Christian sin is different/better/not the same. I understand now and yes your hate is not at all misdirected.
So after my brain exploded because I couldn’t even comprehend the level of hate and arrogance circulating in the world I live in, I started to think some thoughts. Jealousy. Jealousy makes people angry.
It’s very possible that a lot of these people are jealous of Caitlyn Jenner. No not because we all secretly want to switch gender because come on, who would wish to be born the wrong gender and spend 65 years unhappy, wishing to be something else? No. Jealousy because here is someone living her dream. No one wants to live 65 years or more, unhappy with themselves or their lives but how many people do? SO MANY. And how many people have the balls (no pun intended) to take a huge, drastic step, to change their lives and try to be happy. Sadly, a super small number in comparison.
I read someone’s comments about how all that money spent on surgery was a waste because vanity is a sin and that money could’ve been spent opening a homeless shelter. To that I say a) um screw you because it definitely isn’t anyone’s business how another person spends money they’ve earned- sorry you don’t make more, and b) sorry you’re 200 pounds overweight with chin hair and no means to pay for expensive treatments and lack the pride in yourself to try and clean up a little. I challenge anyone to tell me, with a straight face, that looks don’t matter. Yeah. Maybe not to Helen Keller. There’s a reason that sex sells in this country and it’s not because Victoria’s Secret hires models that are “pretty on the inside”. But I digress, this isn’t about being jealous of Caitlyn’s looks.
It’s about being jealous of her ability to live her dream while most of us are prisoners of our own lives, paralyzed by the fear of judgment, change, unknown, whatever.
When I really think about it, I can’t be mad at this type of bigot. I feel sorry for them. Live your dream man, I guarantee if you live your dream, you won’t be nearly as consumed with anyone else’s life. And before the mob descends, I’m not saying if you don’t agree, you must be jealous. I AM saying if you are so consumed that you’re angry and hateful, there is definitely something missing from your life. If you can’t find a dream then find a twelve step program. As it’s been explained to me, working the steps is an introspective journey, one from which you will certainly benefit.
I started a new job last week and I had to poop. This was a big deal for me.
Let me back up a little bit.
I have said this a million times, but I’ve never written it. Our service culture is based heavily on the idea of prostitution. The idea of the bordello, or the call girl is that no matter how many ‘clients’ there were that day, that you are special, and you are the only one, and no matters but you. That favorite restaurant of yours? People sit in your spot all the time. Your plate, your silverware have been used thousands of times. Everything that you touch, that you use, was not made specifically for you. We just act like it has been.
And that’s the problem with the toilet.
I can only function with the public toilet if I lie to myself and believe that it exists and it has only existed for me. But sometimes that illusion shatters, sometimes there’s a horrible stain, or a malodor, or God forbid, some poor wretch in there making sounds like someone getting ketchup out of a mostly empty bottle and I realize the sheer horror of what I must do.
I had a reached a decent comfort level with the toilet at my old job. It took time.The whole public toilet thing for me is just an unspeakable violation of my dignity. I want to be alone in my shame. I don’t want to be somewhere in a stall that only covers 3/4s of me, as various strangers burst into the room and make loud noises. When I’m in my bathroom at home and I poop, I flee like I committed a bank robbery in the Wild West, and the alarm has sounded and the Sherriff’s posse is coming.
Don’t look back, boys!
So I’m at my new job and the toilet seat is a little loose, and I’m not comfortable. Its like pooping during a mild earthquake, but I was desperate.
The lid slipped and I almost fell. Instead…
Instead….
My penis somehow got caught between the bowl and the seat. I felt like I was going to rip it off. The only reason I didn’t scream is that there were other people in there, and they wouldn’t have any context for the new guy in the stall caterwauling.
As I sat there, blind from the pain of my damaged undercarriage, all I could think was, ‘how did I get into this mess?’
I believe in God. I believe that we were hand-created. I believe that humans were formed and engineered like the most intricate and spectacular machinery you could ever imagine. I think that most of the human body is a product of unfathomable workmanship and genius. I can’t believe that three pounds of Jello behind my eyes has near infinite storage. I can’t believe that I have enough glycogen in my legs to run 30 miles, and that I am the most efficient long distance runner in the animal kingdom. I can’t believe that my heart never stops beating.
But this digestion system was the best anybody could come up with? Its like after a few thousand years, God handed off the work to a incompetent cousin to finish. Its a debasing, humiliating process that guarantees that even when I’m not actually pooping, I’m belching, farting, or some variation thereof because the entire system relies on me swallowing air to work.
I now make you in my image. Except for this one thing….
You might think that I’m overreacting. But this is a bedrock of our culture.
If you work for a company of any size, you’ll notice that the executives have their own bathroom. Do you know why? Because they know that you cannot maintain any respect for someone when they have to poop and you’re trapped near them.
I don’t care if Bill Gates walked into your office. If you had to sit in the stall next to him the day after he went to Chipotle, he would lose respect for him. I don’t care if Sofia Vergara wanted to go to dinner with you, if you stopped at her place before you went out and she had to make a pit stop and it sounded like she was playing some sort of diabolical woodwind, it would take the edge off of your passion.
Papi I will be right back. I just have to do ONE thing right quick.
I don’t know why I have to be subjected to this anyone. I’m tired of running and hiding. I’m tired of asking my friends if they have an upstairs bathroom and seeing that look of terror on their face. I’m tired of disappearing at my job and coming back to my desk, trying to wipe the sweat off my brow, while my co-workers shake their head knowingly. I’m tired of wanting to go on vacation, but having to research if they’ll want me to squat over a hole, or let a water fountain touch my hindquarters. I’m tired of having baby wipes when everyone knows I don’t have any children.
I have no problem with peeing. Peeing is a lot of fun. Pooping is like writing a check, but you open your wallet and you’re out of checks and you’re in the grocery store trying to remember if you have a starter check somewhere and the people behind you are getting antsy. Peeing is like swiping a credit card.
You can pee on anything. In the winter, you can pee your name, or try, at least. Why can’t I have a system like that for the other thing that I won’t even name?
Since the beginning of her now infamous career, Lady Gaga has done many things right: She’s a capable, if unextraordinary songwriter, and she benefited from above average production that drove you to your feet and demanded your attention. She demanded that attention in other ways as well: Her public persona screams “Hey, look at me” at every turn. And people took notice in a big way: She was able to capture the public’s attention with every one of her over-the-top spectacles to the tune of millions- in both fans and dollars.
She’s also amassed an army of drag queens, in case she decides to become a super-villain one day.
However, she’s also done a number of things wrong: She vacuously mimics the creativity of others, from Madonna, Grace Jones (who doesn’t get nearly enough credit for her contribution to Gaga’s image), David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust persona and Freddie Mercury’s flamboyant and batshit insane real persona.
The creative theft extends to her music as well: “Paparazzi” is essentially a mash-up of Gary Numan’s “Cars” and Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away”, “So Happy I Could Die” is a “Pocket full of Sunshine” ripoff, “Born This Way” is an obvious bite of “Express Yourself”, “Alejandro” owes it’s melody to the Ace of Base, and countless other songs have more than traces of 70’s and 80’s new wave cheese.
In addition, for all the talk of her being “crazy” or “eccentric”, Gaga is really devoid of personality, appearing dry and uninteresting every time she opens her mouth. (If you question that, think about this: While there is non-stop talk of the things she’s done, when’s the last time anyone, anywhere, talked about the things that she’s said?)
Lady Gaga, quoting from the gospel of an after-school special.
Gaga’s persona, from day one, from the music to the publicity stunts, has been the product of an ambitious creative and marketing team. Everything about her image was different before it was cultivated and refined by her management. But that strategy is always doomed to fail: A person can not continuously top one spectacle after another, unless you bring in a magician at some point -and that’s just ridiculous.
Once you dress meat into a gown, it’s all downhill from there.
Rather than continue to let the persona self-destruct around her, Gaga has made the choice to, well, give up. She no longer steps out in the outrageous outfits she’s made her trademark simply to get milk. She’s stripped herself bare of the drag-style makeup, opting to go nude faced more and more often. Also, when she gets nude (which she still does A LOT), she doesn’t even bother to accessorize the look with a satellite dish orbiting her head.
That’s it?!? Big Hair? It’s like you’re not even trying anymore!
Some of you might be wondering why I’ve went this far into a review of Lady Gaga’s latest song “Applause” without actually mentioning the song itself. (Some of you may also wonder why I want to cause your retinas to fall out in horror by posting a Gaga nude pic, but that’s a story for another day.)
The answer is simple: It’s just not worth discussing. Lady Gaga has finally managed to do something she’s never done before: Bore us.
“Applause” is super lazy in every way. It’s production is substandard, it’s lyrics uninspired. Gaga’s heart wasn’t exactly in the music before, but now it’s as if she doesn’t even feel like thrilling us, even while telling us how much she wants our adulation. The lyrics, such as they are, are substandard and derivative – and this is a Lady Gaga record we’re talking about. You can barely hear what she’s talking about in many parts, and she doesn’t even bother with a standard rhyme scheme. The whole thing seems lazily slapped together, and it bodes ill for the rest of ARTPOP whenever it comes out, since the lead single is usually the best from the release.
This, for example, was the second single off of Born This Way. Never heard it? Don’t worry; you didn’t miss anything.
Ultimately, this is probably what Gaga really wants. Maybe she’s figured out that she no longer needs to continue to top herself. Maybe, between the lawsuits, the constant spotlight, and ridiculous stiletto injuries, The Fame Monster that she intentionally created had threatened to consume her, and perhaps she wanted to finally be rid of it, and try being a human being for once.
Either that, or she wants to take the Lisbeth Salander role in The Girl Who Played With Fire.
Lady Gaga might be over, as her marketing house suggests, but Stefani Germanotta certainly isn’t. She’s far too smart and talented to stay gone forever. But the Haus she built is crumbling fast, and we’ll all be witnesses to it’s destruction.
In the aftermath of the Zimmerman trial (which Tom and Myself have covered already), I was ready to move on. It was a tragic situation made all the worse by the entitled perpetrator walking away scot-free while a young man’s life was lost. Dwelling on it only made me angrier, so I decided not to. Besides, focusing on this case, and race in general, had begun to consume me to the point that I was forgetting the important things.
Did anyone else remember that The Wolverine is coming out? Cause I sure as hell didn’t – but that’s a story for another day.
Unfortunately, some people have made it much harder to do that. They insist that this verdict was sound, that this young man should never have attacked Zimmerman. They blame the victim – or worse, they bring up crap like this.
If you read that article, you have seen the case of Roderick Scott, a man who, in 2009, caught a group of teenagers trying to break into his car at 3 in the morning. As they rifled through the neighbor’s car, he came out and tried to stop them. One of them, Christopher Cervini, a 17-year old white male, yelled out, “I’ll get you!” or “I’ll get him!” and rushed Scott, at which point he fired two shots, fatally injuring the young man. He was arrested and charged with murder, and found not guilty by reason of self defense.
Then the prosecutors had a drink, and talked about the reasons why.
On the surface, this case is incredibly similar to the Trayvon Martin case. Both of these were young men, unarmed, gunned down by men who had no reason to fear their skinny assailants. Scott, after all, is a large black man who is built like a linebacker.
At least, that’s the narrative for those who love false equivalency. If you scratch the surface, however, the differences could not be more clear.
First, I’ll start with the differences between the two victims: Unlike Christopher Cervini,
TRAYVON MARTIN WAS NOT A BURGLAR.
He was not breaking in to anyone’s home, car or anything else. He was a kid on his way back home from the store when a man assumed he was up to no good – something that could easily have been resolved had he waited for police, or even said something to Trayvon instead of following him, then chasing him. Mr Cervini, on the other hand, was both drunk and high on methamphetamine, according to toxicology reports, and was rifling through cars in the neighborhood with two other guys.
That brings me to my second point of fact about the cases:
CHRISTOPHER CERVINI WAS OUT STEALING WITH TWO OTHER GUYS.
Cervini was not alone as he stole things from his neighbors, he had two people with him: His friend, Brian Hopkins, and his cousin, James, a 15 year old who was on probation for assisting in a burglary and for holding a knife to the throat of a ten year old. (How the hell did he just get probation for that?)
Add some ultraviolence and milk, and it’s A Clockwork Orange.
Now, the fact that Roderick Scott was built like LT is irrelevant – three to one is three to one. If you are outnumbered, you don’t go out after criminals unarmed by yourself at 3am – that would be foolhardy and irresponsible. Also, there was no way for Scott to know if the young man who tried to rush him was armed. The false equivalency crowd would have you believe a man who was defending his home and property is the same as a self appointed vigilante who spent his free time reporting black men to the police, then decided to pick on the most nonthreatening one he could find.
Which brings me to my final difference between the cases:
RODERICK SCOTT WAS IMMEDIATELY PROSECUTED.
The Monroe County District Attorney knew the facts in the case. There was no need for speculation about what happened: The two boys were witnesses, Scott immediately called 911 to report the situation, and none of the facts about the assault were in dispute. Nevertheless, the DA did the prudent thing when a life was lost – she prosecuted the man who took it. Scott was immediately arrested, and charged with manslaughter.
There was genuine interest on the part of the police in getting to the bottom of what happened. The cops didn’t just accept Scott’s version of the events, then send him home while the corpse was still fresh on the street. This is a dramatic contrast to the Sanford police, who, well… did.
Of all the aspects of the Trayvon Martin case that infuriated the African American community, this one was the most egregious, even more so than the actual murder itself. There was a complete lack of interest by Sanford police and prosecutors in even a cursory investigation of this crime. Martin’s lifeless body lay on the ground, and they didn’t even bother to find out who he was, even though it would have been easy to identify him (He had a cell phone, and the number could be easily traced – we’ve all seen The First 48). It took marches, protests, widespread media attention and a federal probe into the case just so that the police down there would do their jobs.
It’s not hard to figure out why the case against Zimmerman was so weak – they never wanted to prosecute in the first place.
It’s also not hard to figure out why the Champions of False Equivalency have dredged up the Roderick Scott story. No one wants to look the hard truth of modern racism in the face, to be reminded of a time when the horror of racism and cruelty against another person, simply because of the color of their skin, was en vogue.
Also, they probably had a thing for En Vogue.
It’s hard for people to fathom, after they have clutched their purses or locked their car doors at the site of suspicious youths, after they laughed a bit too hard at a joke by an edgy comedian, or after they have felt a little uncomfortable after being hit on by an overzealous, slightly ugly dude that there is still prejudice out there, and maybe those guys didn’t deserve to be immediately judged as a threat simply because of the color of their skin. It’s that part that stings these people people the most – that racism is an incurable disease, spreading through society’s undercurrent like the T-Virus, and maybe it will never go away, and maybe, just maybe, they have been infected, too.
It’s like The Walking Dead, except with more jokes about watermelon.
Or maybe they’re just racists. Who’s to say.
There is, however, one thing these boys have in common: they were young men who had their whole lives ahead of them, and while they may have made a few mistakes, we will never know what they could have become.
Before yesterday, I thought there was no way Zimmerman walked, because there’s no way someone could possibly get away with killing an unarmed teenager in cold blood.
Thanks, George. I’m awake now.
George Zimmerman was found not guilty yesterday.
On all counts.
This case has hit home for me in a number of ways. First, I grew up in Florida, and most of my family still lives there. Trayvon Martin could easily have been my cousin Ray, a young man whose at his most scary when beating noobs at Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3. His life can abruptly end tomorrow, simply for being black in the wrong Florida neighborhood.
That’s because, according to the state of Florida, a white person can track and kill your black child like prey, and tell the cops he was defending himself. He won’t even have to spend the night in jail, because your kid was black, and that in and of itself makes him dangerous and scary.
For all the complaints about how the state mishandled the prosecution, or how their star witness did not end up helping their case, or whatever other reason one could conjure to justify this lopsided miscarriage of justice, this came down to the simple fact that the jury believed Trayvon Martin, a young, unarmed and completely unimposing black teenager was so scary that a large white man, a man with more than 40 pounds on this young man, had to shoot him in order to save himself. It’s a travesty, and it’s wrong.
It gets worse, because the “Stand Your Ground” law that was invoked is not so cut and dry. Case in point:
See, in Florida, along with the newly christened “It’s OK to kill Black Kids” law, there is also a “10-20-Life” law. It states that if you fire a gun in the commission of a crime, it’s an automatic 20 years in prison minimum. So, by not allowing her ex-husband to do whatever he was going to do, this woman was actually committing assault with a deadly weapon.
But, you know, she’s black, so that makes perfect sense.
If the situation were reversed, Trayvon Martin would have promptly been charged with first degree murder – not second, not involuntary manslaughter (which, if any portion of Zimmerman’s story is to be believed, should have been the case here), but straight up murder. He’d have been just another black man going to jail, and there would be no one saying he was right to “Stand his Ground”.
The shame is not that such a large public outcry for justice in this case has gone unanswered. The shame is that, deep down, all of us saw it coming.
The Academy Awards came on last night, and for some reason I was sober enough to watch the whole thing. What follows are a few of my thoughts about that telecast, and award season in general:
–Ben Affleck got hosed, man.
–Let’s face it: musicals are shit. However, Anne Hathaway definitely deserved the best supporting actress award. While only in Les Miserables for around 30 min., she managed to steal the show. Her performance as Fantine was the very definition of a powerful performance in a small role. Also, since there was no shot that she would get it for The Dark Knight Rises, this was the perfect way to top off the huge year for her.
–The same thing can be said for Jennifer Lawrence, who got her 1st Oscar and killed in The Hunger Games. Adding to her awesome appeal: she fell up the stairs and laughed it off.
Stay classy.
–Ben Affleck got hosed, man.
–Seriously, is there really any way anyone’s ever going to beat Daniel Day-Lewis at the Oscars? After tonight’s record third win, he will definitely go down in history as the greatest actor that ever lived–at least when it comes time for awards season. (Seriously dude, would it kill you to just make one for them? I have got to see this guy in an action flick.)
One quick casting change, and this shit circus would have been eminently more watchable.
–Seth McFarlane sucked donkey balls. The Academy Awards producers should stop catering to the younger demographic and bring back universally likable hosts to take the helm of this already too long and drawn-out ceremony. Don’t bring in the most controversial hack that Tinseltown has to offer and give him that honor. (I’m a family Guy fan, but come on.)
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler showed us how to do this, son.
–Ben Affleck got hosed, man. (Am I saying that too much?)
–Skyfall. Adele. No-brainer.
–While it was good to see Tarantino, one of my favorite moviemakers, getting recognized once again by the Academy, Django Unchained was not the movie he should have gotten his due for. (For my money, it’s Jackie Brown.)
–I’m not going to say this again, but come on: Ang Lee? Really? Ben Affleck got hosed, man.
–I would remark about the lack of films of color recognized by the Academy, but every time a movie of color is recognized, it happens to be one that I don’t like, and which caters to some of the most base stereotypes about African Americans. Still, it was nice to see Beasts of the Southern Wild getting recognized, even if it’s subjects were a little rough around the edges. (It never really had a shot to win, so no outrage when it did not.)
–When Life of Pi’s visual effects supervisor was played off by the Jaws theme while he was lamenting the fact that that Academy award-winning visual effects team is now unemployed, I literally fell out of my chair. I half expected to see the Sandman hook him by the neck and literally drag him off stage, lest he remind the beautiful people in attendance that there is still suffering out there.
-Zero Dark Thirty walking away with squat (Sound Editing is a booby prize) was no surprise. No one’s gonna give awards to a film that makes it seem like torture is OK.
-Michelle Obama announcing best picture was the definition of awesome sauce. (Also, I immediately regret that word choice.)
–Since you already know my thesis, I will simply say this: there has to be something more to Ben Affleck’s snubbing then meets the eye.
“You think you’re going home to this, and getting an Oscar too? Fuck that.” Hawk Koch, President of The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences
When a man literally kills and blows away expectations- as Affleck has done since he stepped into the director’s chair-he deserves to be forgiven for any craptastic movies he made during his career in front of the camera. I don’t know what the Academy was smoking, but the fact that they recognized Argo in every single category except director tells me only one thing: BEN AFFLECK GOT HOSED, MAN!
Still, 3 things remain true about Mr. Affleck:
1. He directed the hell out of that movie.
2. He will direct the hell out of many more.
As another tragic shooting shocks and saddens this great nation, the conversation that has emerged from Newtown, Connecticut will inevitably turn toward a uniquely American topic: the epidemic of gun violence in this country, and how we can prevent a tragedy like this from repeating.
Unfortunately, since this tragedy has already unfolded several times, we all know what the product of that conversation will ultimately produce: Diddly squat. The NRA and their followers will make sure of it, as they have time and again.
“The second amendment to the Constitution gives Americans the right to bear arms”, they shout, “and this tragedy cannot be used as an excuse to take away my inalienable….”
Blah, blah, blah.
The irony is that the same group of people that shout at the top of their lungs about their inalienable right to bear arms are conspicuously silent when other rights (i.e. freedom of speech or religion) are tossed aside.
How many of these people screamed about free speech when the previous administration used “Free Speech Zones” to ensure that protestors would not get in the way of propaganda? How many shouted about freedom of assembly when Occupy Wall Street was kicked out of Zuccotti Park and not allowed to return?
Who among them expressed the same outrage at the government’s willing abdication of the Fourth Amendment when they found out about Bush’s warrantless domestic wiretapping program? Worse yet, how many of them defended such actions as necessary to protect us from the threat of terrorism?
The same people who scream out over their inalienable right to carry more guns that Rambo and John McClane don’t say a thing about these abuses, either because a) they are not personally affected by them, or b) they don’t particularly like the people that are being affected by them.
Their view of the Second Amendment is not informed by an abiding love of the Constitution, but rather by their love of the ego boost holding a piece of steel affords them, while looking in the mirror as Don LaFontaine narrates a personal story of badassery in their minds.
In A World…….
If they truly knew about the Amendments to the Constitution, they would know that almost all of them have exceptions, designed to safeguard people from the reckless and dangerous fringes of society or corporate influence.
Americans have the right to free speech, but that right does not allow you to make threats against others, or spread lies about other people. We have the right to assembly, but an unruly mob carrying spiked bats and molotov cocktails can’t come marching through a town without getting arrested. We have freedom of religion, but if the main component of your religion involves human sacrifice, you’ll be backsliding your way to the electric chair.
If the NRA applied their self serving, narrow interpretation of the second amendment to the other amendments, these things would not only be the law of the land, their occurrences would be as ubiquitous and commonplace as these mass murders are becoming.
So, why have we allowed a group whose allegiance is clearly with gun makers to so thoroughly dominate the conversation on gun control, drowning out the voices of hundreds of thousands of victims of senseless tragedies like the one that unfolded at Sandy Hook Elementary School?
Or Aurora? Or Tuscon? Or Virginia Tech? Or Columbine?
Applying common sense to gun laws is not a hard thing to accomplish, and it doesn’t have to violate the rights of responsible citizens who wanna hunt, or protect their homes, or whatever other reason someone wants a gun, besides playing Grand Theft Auto in real life.
You can have a gun, but not an automatic rifle capable of mowing down innocent civilians with a click of the finger. You have to pass a criminal and psychological check before you can buy one. If you wanna sell one, the person you sell it to has to pass one as well, and the gun has to be registered, like your car (or your vote, for those of you who wanna play the “an automobile is not a guaranteed right” game). And if you need a 50-shot extended clip to hunt a deer, then you should probably get your venison from a supermarket, cause hunting ain’t your niche.
It’s past time for us to look at the Second Amendment the way we look at the other amendments; with common sense and logic and not through the eyes of a man who beats off to images of girls holding AR-15s. If we don’t, we will all be having the same conversation again and again.
Our players are: Tom 1 (me… I think?), Tom A, and R-Sonthe Voice of Reason fresh off of a West Coast tour with Gangstagrass.
Tom 1: Okay, R-Son and I started one of the funniest conversations I’ve had in a while, rappers that we think have actually killed people. He brings up a great point. Freddie Foxxx has absolutely killed someone, and it probably was by accident.
R-Son: I’m also putting M.O.P. on that list.
Tom 1: Forgot about them, but yes. I think Jay didn’t push them, mostly because he was terrified.
Like they were bouncing around in the studio screaming, and he was on the other side of the glass with a neck kerchief looking horrified.
Sink me! I believe those men to be ruffians! We must away, Beyonce my dearest!
Tom A: G-Dep killed a guy, but I suppose that doesn’t count.
Tom 1: Rah Digga?
Tom A: I wondered what happened to Young Zee.
Tom 1: Rah Digga sounds like the only lady bouncer at a busy club. Like you know she’s there for a reason.
Please let there be no sex in the Champagne room.
My sleeper pick? Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Cormega
Tom A:
Tom 1: He’s like all the deadly guys I know: Locked up, selling 100,000 out his trunk (real hustle). Talking about love and feelings with no bluster. Those are the guys that can flick that scary switch.
Tom A: If we’re talking females, my Number 1 draft pick: Remy Ma. She was involved in a shooting already, and once tried to break Papoose out of jail with a damn nail file.
I’d pin a rap on her as a triggerman, wheelman, safecracker and any other crime you can think of, sans embezzlement.
Tom 1: What about Left Eye Lopes? We know she had a wee bit of trouble with impulse control.
Tom A: Arson, yes. Murder, no. (RIP)
R-Son: Yeah, but Left Eye was some Baby Daddy stuff. If she was that rugged, he’d have just gotten shot.
Tom 1: Yeah, but no one thinks of arson as your first violent act. When you get mad, you want to hit someone or shoot them. It’s people that are violent all the time that get crazy.
Like, “I shot 5 people just this week. For once, can I just burn someone’s house down? I’ve got to work smarter, not harder.”
Tom A: Or she would have went the Al Green wife/mistress route and poured hot grits on him in the bathtub.
Tom 1: You know that women in this generation don’t cook. Only people getting grease or grits thrown on them are dating Mexicans.
“I can’t believe this chick tried to throw some pinto beans on me, son!”
Tom A: I’m gonna go with a surprise pick: Bow Wow. Imagine if you will: One too many guys call him soft or a novelty, and BAM! Runs someone over with his Lambo. Calls in Jermaine Dupri and Snoop to dispose of the body, and now lives in seclusion for fear the secret comes out.
I’ll amend JD & Snoop for Slim and Baby in that scenario, as they seem like the kinda guys who know how to erase a body. Look in Slim’s eyes: You just know he owns a pig farm.
Tom 1: Vehicular accident. Didn’t think of it.
I left off UGK, Scarface, and maybe Ice-T. He was a pimp for a couple years, so maybe there’s a dead hooker in there somewhere.
Tom A: Who said anything about an accident?
Tom 1: I heard rumors about Gangstagrass.
R-Son: Gangstagrass, no question…
Tom A: We have to move across the pond to some of the London grime rappers. Gun control means they have to stab.
Tom 1: I guess its not fair to mention Crazy Titch, right?
Tom A: Yeah. Dizzee Rascal’s also out.
Wait…. Dizzee Rascal’s in!
Anyone associated with Suge Knight post- Dre, with the exception of Suge “Glass Joe” Knight.
What a pushover!
Tom 1: Dizzee Rascal is out. He’s making songs with Calvin Harris. No killer is doing that.
Also, I still count Suge. Its Ken Shamrock syndrome, a lot of shots to the head over the years, but still a dangerous guy to the average human being.
Ken Shamrock, isn’t a rapper, right?
Tom A: I don’t know, He was talking in Mother Goose Rhymes after Tito Ortiz was finished with him.
But I digress: I’m gonna say Baby Williams, though Slim is more likely the trigger man. That guy’s eyes scare the shit outta me.
Tom A: Good luck sleeping tonight.
Tom 1: Wow. He’s got that Bill Duke thing going on.
Tom A: Who said Candyman in the mirror 5 times?
Tom 1: Sweet Jesus that guy is rough. I just looked down at myself and I’m holding out my lunch money.
Tom A: Moving on: Rick Ross, from his CO days a la Shawshank Redemption.
Tom 1: Call me Officer Ricky! Call me Officer Ricky!
Tom A: Not really a rapper, but there’s something unsettling about Chris Brown. Not saying he ever beat anyone to death, just saying maybe.
Tom 1: Chris Brown is proof that America is racist. If he had beaten Carrie Underwood, his career would have been done forever. As it stands now, he almost got street cred off of it.
My life is worth at least three Rihannas!
Tom A: True.
Tom 1: Maybe Biggie? Likely, Kool G Rap?
Tom A: I’d say Kool G Rap before Biggie, but I think we left off the Heavyweight champs: Shyne and Jay.
R-Son: G Rap maybe. Biggie, I doubt it.
Tom 1: Jay isn’t touching anybody. Shyne, yeah.
Tom A: Whaaaaaaaaaaa? Jay stabbed Un. And said “You broke my heart” before he did it. Corleone style.
Tom 1: ODB. And then he took the family for a cruise and paid for a kid to go to college. And then he bought them a tiger. And then he came over their house and ate it.
Tom A: I think we have a winner. (RIP)
Tom 1: Don’t know if Jay stabbed Un as Nas pointed out brilliantly. You want to talk about murder. “Ether” was murder.
